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November 14 SEXI'm just curious as to how many website hits I will get by posting a blog about the word 'SEX'
 so ...I looked up the definition of sex and found this interesting section on dreaming about sex. Enjoy!Dreaming about sex, refers to the psychological completion and the integration of contrasting aspects of the Self. You need to be more receptive and incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into your own character. Alternatively and a more direct interpretation of the dream, may be your libido's way of telling you that it's been too long since you have had sex.
 It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love. Dreaming about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually and you can even bring that sense of adventure to your existing relationship. Dreaming that you are having sex with an ex or someone who is not your current mate indicates your reservations about embarking in a new relationship or situation. You may feel nervous about exposing yourself or currently feel a resurgence of those old emotions and feelings that you felt back when you and your ex were together. Believe it or not, it is not uncommon for people approaching their wedding to experience especially erotic adventures with partners other than their intended spouses. This may be due to the intensity of your sexual passion with your fiancé. It also relates to the new roles that you will be taking on and the uncertainty that that may bring. If you are heterosexual and you dream that you are having sex with someone of the same sex means not necessarily homosexual desire, but an expression of greater self love and acceptance. You need to be in better touch of your feminine or masculine side. Dreaming that you are the opposite sex, suggests that you exhibit or need to incorporate those qualities of the opposite sex. Ask yourself, how do you feel being a man or a woman? In what ways can you incorporate those feelings into your waking life.July 20 A Miracle of LifeMonday July 27, 1992
* When refering to my 'Wife' ...that would be 'Past tense' she is an 'X' now
It was a beautiful sunny morning and I was trying to keep my mind occupied around 10am by washing my already sparkling dark blue 1990 Ford Tempo in the driveway of my mother in-law's. My wife was inside the house with her parents. We both knew it would be anytime soon and that‘s why they suggested I go do something to try and take my mind off things. While I was out there, thoughts of Lamaze class and the fact my mother in-law was invited by my wife to be present in the birthing room were swirling around my mind and adding stress to the already anticipated feelings I was experiencing while I scrub the car from top to bottom and side to side.
We did not know if the baby was to be a male or female by our own choice.
I like surprises.
The bedroom I painted a mint greenish colour. Kind of like spearmint to be safe. The furniture crib, rocking chair, baby station, etc was dark stained wood . There was a nice border going across the walls along the edge of the ceiling and another halfway up the walls. It was really nice. I had just finished washing the car and went inside when I saw my wife’s look of ‘It’s time to go’.
It was around 11am and her contractions were ever so growing in strength and in frequency. We arrived at the hospital and checked in and I wheeled my wife in a wheel chair to the maternity ward. I was trying my best to remember all the breathing exercises taught at Lamaze class and all the other procedures but this was a first time childbirth and things just don’t go by the book.
I had this feeling of the mother in-laws judgmental eyes piercing through my body as I tried to help my wife through the contractions
Hours had past and it was getting close to 5pm
It was slightly 7pmish
The mother in-law
Seemed that the baby was turned the wrong way. So that had to be corrected. Suddenly I saw the baby crown and I saw what looked like dark curly hair and I was so amazed by this I said out loud to my wife who couldn’t see what was going on because there were no mirrors... “I see the head!!!” .... and I believe she said something like this “I don‘t give a $#@#^^%$&&^^%%...Just get it OUT!
Finally after 8 hours of labour the baby came out and the question was answered................
It’s a........................
Girl! :)
I remember my wife wanted a boy so bad and I was kind of glad she was a girl to be honest but I would have been content with either :) The excitement was so special and intense. After been cleaned up and lied on my wife’s chest for a moment or two I was allowed to hold her for the first time. I was ever so cautious and I remember looking at her in my arms and her eyes opening up wide and looking right into mine. I have never felt such over whelming ‘Unconditional’ love before!
Today it's one week before my daughter's 13th birthday June 29 Someone Saved My Life TonightI had a song playing on here June 29th "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John (Captain Fantastic) because it reminded me of what I was going through during my marriage. I had come to a point in the relationship where I was feeling like I was going to work everyday. I mean.... my job was my only 'safe' place to be. I didn't want to come home after work because it was no longer a 'peaceful' place to be. It felt like I was going to another job after my 'day' job was done. One day I sat down at the keyboard and desided to 'lift' this song from the recording (learning it by ear). I had to do it when 'she' wasn't there because she would always tell me to 'shut-up' if I played while she was there. The more I played the song the more I knew the 'end' of the relationship was enevitable. The whole relationship was full of lies and deceit. There are enough stories to write a novel for sure about that relationship.
I made up my mind that I have had enough and desided to leave in the month of July 1995. I even stayed for the month of August to help her out with expenses. By Sept 1st I was in my own place again.
This song brought back memories of the mental torture I was going through while making that ever-so important decision which turned out to be the right thing to do in the end.
If you ever get a chance to hear it you will understand what I am talking about....enjoy :) June 22 My DaughterFor my daughter, please know that I have loved you from the beginning and that some things will never change................ that something is my 'love' for you June 17 Meeting my X- Part 1I love harmony, both in music and in my love relationships. If I were to compare my one and only marriage to music harmony I would have to use the word 'dissonant'. I got married in October of 1991 and I had just turned 27 a few days before the wedding at the end of September. I was finally happily divorced February 14th 1999. Yes so it looks like we were together 8 years right?....lol well not quite. Out of the 8 years we lived together for 2 1/2 It was the oddest relationship. I met her in a coffee shop I used to go to after finishing work a couple years before we got married. I remember she was the loudest woman in there surrounded by several people that were just laughing their asses off at her go on and on.She was LOUD , Rude, obnoxious, extremely funny and pretty good looking back then. She was and still is an extremely witty person and full of meaningless trivia. I hadn't been introduced to her yet at this point but I do remember thinking this....'Now that's the LAST person I'd ever end up with'
anyways.... One day the boyfriend comes over and introduces himself to me, we started talking and found that we had music incommon. Him being a drummer and singer and myself being a keyboard player. His 'fiancee' then or one could say 'My 'X', was quite the vocalist aswell. She sounded like a mix between 'Cher' and 'Nancy Wilson' from 'Heart' very powerful voice (suited her personality
About a week or maybe 2 later I stopped in the same coffee shop as usual about 10pm. Her and her fiancee were just leaving and we exchanged greetings and they departed together because he worked for a catering company during the night. So I grabbed a coffee and a newspaper and sat at a table. 15 Minutes later I see her car pull back in the parking lot. I'm thinking to myself 'I gotta get out of here' I really couldn't handle her in large doses. But she was an extrememly aggressive woman. She could get anything she wanted from anyone. Relentless to a fault. I learned later to just say 'Alright already!'....lol AFTER the 37 times I'd said 'NO' to her June 12 Speaking of Song, Talk to me!Ever since I was a child I have loved the sounds of people talking and laughing. After getting myself ready for bed at night when I was little I would kneel beside the bed and say my prayers 'Now I lay me down to sleep....etc' (My mom insisted us kids say our prayers but we never went to church lol I think the most enjoyable thing for me is to listen to the woman I love communicate verbally from her heart (speaking her song). I could listen to her talk to me for hours in bed lying beside her(or atleast till one of us falls asleep
Pros and Cons of ReminiscingI was thinking while I was at work last night (yes I can do that I believe its good to look back and reflect, I know because I do it all the time and have been doing it all along. But there are those stages of life that I went through and had finally let go of that are seemingly becoming a little more frightening for me to go back and revisit at the moment. I have overcome so many obstacles and personal hangups since being a very shy and insecure child and teen.It's funny because I'm almost opposite of that now. As I look back at the insecure moments of my life (aweful feeling to experience) I can see now the exact things that made me insecure. The common denominator of the insecure feelings seemed to be when I was in love. I was always attracted to positive happy out going people (still am) but it seemed I was doing something wrong during these romances and I realized what it was a few years back. I would lose myself in the person I fell in love with and forget who I was, kinda like being stunned or struck by lightning looking like this emoticon
I just want to share my life with the person I love. Total openess, honesty, and never having to fear losing them. I want to feel like I can just be 'ME' all the time and still be loved. There is so much inside me waiting to be shared with 'her' Wow this 'Blog' kinda went off in a totally different direction than I expected it would. |
and my wife was experiencing more and more pain. It was not pleasant to watch. Believe it or not you mothers out there ... the man goes through a mental pain watching his wife go through this ( Listens for the hysterical laughter out there). My wife really wanted to try and go natural but it was getting to the point of unbearable pain and we really wanted to get her an epidural and some really good drugs ;)..... The nurses said sure thing but they took their sweet old time about it .... another half hour had past and no one came by our private birthing room so I went out and chased a nurse down and she said ‘oh I’ll send someone right away’ ...with a look of comfort I said ‘Thank you soooo much
” but more time went by only the occasional visits by a nurse to check the vitals and dilation of my wife. It was a little after 6pm I believe that they finally induced birth. That’s when the real PAIN was going to start!.... 
was to the right of my wife’s head with a wash cloth sponging her down to keep her cool. I was on her right also but holding her right ankle and knee while hunched over the bed awkwardly. My wife has extremely strong legs and she was tough to keep steady in the position I was in and when my hands slipped from her ankle I heard her the ‘Mother in-law’ say something like ‘oh geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezz Jim hold her tighter’ with a look of disgust or what seemed to be like that. I said “ Well...it’s a little awkward here!” and of course the WOMAN doctor and my Mother in-law scoffed at that and replied “You think that’s awkward?, think of what your wife is going through!” ...Oh I knew that remark was coming.
(plus the 2 years before we were married)
One thing I didn't over look about her was the fact she wore skirts, stockings, and stillettos quite often and her hair colour never stayed the same for very long. She also had a boyfriend with her usually (poor bastard).
I wasn't a guy to cheat or even think about having any kind of affair with someone who was involved in a relationship especially when I knew and got along with her boyfriend. As the night progressed and the drinks were consumed she began to get flirtatious with me. Well I guess it didn't help that I gave her a compliment about her legs, but really that's all I meant it to be, a 'compliment' not a 'come-on line'....honest! 
) So we began talking and for the first time she actually showed her truer self. The side that I fell in love with. She was actually quite down to earth and not as superficial as I had thought (it seemed at this point). She said her boyfriend was in bed and they were fighting and asked me out for a beer or 2 across the street. I agreed because she seemed to be a little upset with her boyfriend and just needed someone to talk to. Turns out she was a little more interested in me after a few glasses of Molson Canadian 
..... lesson learned (stick with the coffee)..... anyways the night led to BIGGER things. I wont go into details but I remember being in the car (an '88 maid service Chevrolet Chevette) behind a school (or was it a church 
?) details, details ... it was really dark......................... To be continued...
) Then I would crawl into bed with my winnie the pooh stuffed animal and Panda bear and listen to my parents uncomprehendable voices making their way up through the hallways or heating ducts into my room upstairs. It was so comforting to me that it would actually put me to sleep. The scarey part for me was when I would wake up in the middle of the night having to go to the bathroom and finding it dark and silent throughout the house (spookey to me back then) When I was about 7 years old I was given a little battery operated transister AM radio with an earphone. I think I prefered it in my left ear for some reason. I discovered the 'late night' phone in radio stations, mind you I most often wouldnt know what they were talking about at that age so it was mainly the sound of the voices that I loved. I also discovered that at night I could tune into stations that were far away into the midwest United States. St.Louis Missouri would come in really strong at night KMOX I think. I would listen to St.Louis blues hockey in the winter and St. Louis Cardinals Baseball during the summers. WWWE or 3WE from Cleveland was another station I could tune into at that time (the list grew over time). My dad had a shortwave radio and I remember listening to the BBC london broadcasts. It was incredible to me back then because they are 5 hours ahead of us. I'm not far from Toronto, Canada so when I was a child those places seemed so far away to me and that really fascinated me. I think it's the reason I love the internet because it makes the world seem like a smaller and much more accessible place. I have learned that we are all so similar, contrast to my beliefs as a child that made me think that we were the only civilized area in the world. I blame it on the 'National Geographic' magazines around the house and the fact I watched too much of "Wild Kingdom' and 'Untamed World' when I was little (It was always on T.V. before 'The Wonderful World of Disney' on Sundays at 6pm brought to you by 'Mutual of Omaha'). Anyways..... I loved listening to broadcasters and Talk radio (still do), I discovered Larry King in my teens on the radio before he was on TV. 
lol). It's music to me, that voice resinates through my ears making my ear drum vibrate stimulating my mind and setting off some sort of a chemical chain reaction that makes my heart warm and tingly so much that my whole mind, body and soul are completly in tune with her's. Now 'THAT' is what I call 'Heaven'.
. It seemed to me that the more I tried to love the person the more I was becoming less desireable to them. I also noticed that every time a relationship ended it was like being shot dead through the heart for me. Thank God I survived those years and have managed to over come so many of those feelings without becoming bitter. I could be a little caloused now though ...I mean, by now I should have some sort of immunity against getting hurt shouldn't I ?. 
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